He Chose to Dance

I feel short of breath, anxious, butterflies stirred up like a tornado inside.  It is Gethsemane.  I have to say something.  I have to get it all out, but the question lurks in my mind: Will he receive it or dismiss it? Will he hear me and see me?  It is a hard conversation that I must have with the one I vowed my love to.  A conversation full of hurt and disappointment, and I am afraid of how he will take it.  My feelings and my heart are all on the line.

Learning to dance with someone is not easy.  You are unsure of how they are going to move, and at times it feels awkward, even vulnerable.  That is the way marriage feels.  There are moments of awkwardness and vulnerabilty as you learn to move together. 

Vulnerable.  The latin is vulnera which means to wound. To be vulnerable means to be able to be wounded or vulnerbilis.  Isn't that what you are doing when you open up to your spouse and lay your heart out to them?  You essentially say, "Here I am, the good and bad.  Here is my thoughts and feelings. Here is my heart."  And with that, they have the choice to wound or love.  They have the choice to embrace or reject.  But you made yourself available to be wounded. You made yourself vulnerable. 

In our culture and society, vulnerability is often considered a weakness, flaw even.  But as disciples of Christ, our hearts desire is to become more and more like Him, vulnerbilis, able to be wounded. 

"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed."  In Latin this verse from Isaiah 53:5 translates into "ipse autem vulneratus est propter iniquitates nostras adtritus est propter scelera nostra disciplina pacis nostrae super eum et livore eius sanati sumus."  Able to be wounded, which He was.  Rejected, which He was and still is.

 

 Are you able?  Am I able?  Only through Christ....

 

Why is it so hard to be vulernable, to be open and available to be wounded, to bare our naked souls and leave our hearts available for rejection?  Lord let this cup pass from me.  I feel short of breath, anxious, butterflies stirred up like a tornado inside.  It is Gethsemane, and I am about to lay myself on this cross.  Will he drive the nails, or will he not? I just don't know.  But I do know that I am becoming more like Christ each time I am vulnerbilis. Whether it be with a spouse, friend, or in ministry, vulnera is Christlike.

 

He chose to dance rather than drive the nails.  Relief.  Safe.  Love as Christ loves the church...I am thankful to have one who strives to do this daily.  Lord help me to always see his vulnerbilis, so that I will choose to dance instead of driving the nails.